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敗 犬 |
I found your fingerprints on my shattered heart. I'm a lousy spider, entangled in a love web. Love is an addiction I can't quit. Love isn't a science, you can't calculate the feelings. Can a once in a lifetime love find a second chance? Sometimes when you love someone you gotta forget your own happiness. And remember theirs. When love and determination work together, expect a masterpiece. |
Friday, December 31, 2010
meaningful Christmas msg of 2010.
12/31/2010 12:48:00 am
"I'm still here because of a few true friends, family and of course my faith in Him.. Faith is not strongest when you're up there with everything, but when you're at the lowest point in your life and you know that He is right there beside you.. Have faith in Him no matter which point in life you're at(especially at the lowest) and everything will turn out well... "
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
keep sleeping, I keep keep sleeping
12/29/2010 12:49:00 am
just reached home not longggg ago. managed to catch the 2nd last bus :Dwent gym @ 6pm because I missed the 9am session with the boys :( I how pigggg. I woke up late for gym and I even napped 2hours in the afternoon. I AM THE CUI :( but I can forgive myself. I can sleep all I want till school starts. then I will sell my soul to Intro Pol Sci, Intro Psy, Intro Econs (wtffffff), BGS and AS. I deserve all the sleep I need nao. Right now.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Catalyst
12/28/2010 12:53:00 am
You're a catalyst because you can enter my life, make all sorts of changes to it, and exit totally unchanged. thought of this when I was walking home from BK bus stop. I love to walk home, reflect upon my day, enjoy the night breeze BUT sometimes it creeps me out. Too much CSI is bad for health. It makes you paranoid. I was kinda scared when I was walking near the canal, scared to find some dead body, or worse, some body PARTS, omg. freaking scared. think I'll be too scared to even call the police, I'll just faint. and yes, enough of the rubbish. tried to up my weights during gym today. total flop. so no, I am not going to try to be funny again because it is not funny. it really sucks to be lousy, it really really sucks. but I am quite happy because Sherrie said I go really low for my squats. CREDITS TO KIM WEE. used to gym w Kim and she will really make me touch the chair with my butt. so yups, quite happy. I rmb when I first started out I damn cui, I cannot even get the posture right, everyone could use the bar but I had to stand at one corner to practice the posture with an imaginary bar, till I get my damn back straight. and till my damn knees dont cross my toes. it was some demoralizing period as I was "special". but it is all over, that whole period of having to learn everything from scratch is now over. but still no slacking now, even the best dragonboater in the world cnnt slack, let alone me. but it's ok. I have a new motivation for myself and that is, every minute I spend at the gym/on the boat lamenting about the training program, someone from another team is spending 60 seconds of their training time fruitfully. someone out there is gaining muscles, carrying heavier weights, running at a better pace, sitting up right, breathing properly, twisting and rotating correctly and mastering their blade entry. so I better train damn mother hard. I am going to read back posts I wrote abt DB, to remind myself again why I am in the gym or at Kallang, to remind myself what was the thing I wanted so badly weeks/months ago, to find back the motivation that guided me through each training. I just to reignite that sparkkkk in me, so I will not give in to fatigue and doubt. this weekend was a self evaluation for DB. met up with friends who asked me if DB trainings are really that tough and (again) why DB among all the CCAs that were offered and is DB the biggest love of my life. first question, DB is tough, but it is subjective. for me, it is @%%^$^%$#@@$^&&*&*&*& tough, for others, maybe no kick. so it is really hard to judge. second question, I have no answer. curiosity maybe? never tried a water sport so might as well. don't really know why I signed up for Splash! and went for Splash! even when Bel said she won't be attending. don't really know why I never chickened out after the first run and the first water training. I really have no idea. but now, it is for my teammates. I want to stay on and fight with them, I want to win some freaking medals together. I love the people here, I really love them. they're my family, and yes, to me, family is more than a DNA match. I for sure, believe in it with all my heart. third question, I have no answer. let's just say, DB is one of my love... Every time someone asks me abt DB, I feel scared. Scared tt I will doubt my love for this sport, doubt my abilities. Afraid that if I am not careful, I will just break down, breakaway, break off. I wished lesser things run through my mind. so I will just take things as they are. let things run naturally and maybe be happier. for now, I will try to take things easy and enjoy my 7days of holiday left. damn school.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas 2010 (:
12/25/2010 03:38:00 am
it's Christmas ma friends (: this's the season to be jolllly!had a GREAT, AWESOME, FANTASTIC christmas's eve (: went for brunch @ Whampoa market, then walked to TPY. checked out the prices of almost all the contact lenses @ TPY central before buying them :D bought mine @ $100 for 12 pairs, quite a good deal (: went to deposit money before walking back home. attempted to complete more cards before going out for movie! (: watched Gulliver's Travel @ Cineleisure. I think it was an "OK" movie but quite funny (: 3rd movie in 8days, enjoying life much (: and burning hole in pocket much ): but when sch reopens, I will be reduced to Waterloo veg rice everyday ): so I shloud enjoy now. H&M: spend NOW, decide LATER. anyway after movie we went for dinner @ cityhall. then walked around suntec, sit @ Starbucks before heading to Winebos. countdown to Christmas 2010 tgt (: played "I never" and "truth and truth" till 130! then the rest cabbed home while Xianglin and I walked to Lavender food square to eattttt. I ate HARKOWWWWW (: yummmms. then we walked all the way from Lavender food square to ma house. then Xianglin cabbed home. I LOVE CHRISTMASSSSS. tml party again @ Mama hse with Mama 2, bro and Hy !! yay food time = good time (:
Friday, December 24, 2010
christmas eveeeeeeeeeee
12/24/2010 03:14:00 pm
He/She was a major part of your life; of course you’ll miss him/her; it’s perfectly normal. It’s like getting a tooth pulled out; after the dentist pulls it, you’re relieved. But how many times do you run your tongue over the spot where it once was ?too emo for my soulllllll ):
I don't need a parachute, baby if I got you
12/24/2010 12:36:00 pm
all I do these days is go for trainings, hang out with my awesome teammates and complete my Xmas cards. I swear my productivity is damn low ): not efficient @ all. I am gg to buy brunch then walk to TPY to buy stuff and then walk back homeeee. why? MUST SAVE ON TRANSPORT ): my mama is not paying for all these man, neither is my papa ): rawrafter tt come back to do MORE CARDS then go out and watch movie with my teammates and then dinner! :D 2010 passed damn fast. I have only started school for 4months but it seems like a long time. joined DB for abt 3.5 months but it seems really long :O can't wait for 25th, 30th and 31st of dec (: SMUDBBBBBBBBB rocks my socks.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
for now, I am my own superman (:
12/22/2010 02:07:00 pm
completed my 55th training today. was WTF much because I realised sth today.what is worse than following pace is TAKING PACE! so scaryyyyy, idk how I ended up taking front seat okayzx, and cuz I'm sitting right in front of coach, I cnnt give the WTD (want to die) face. xueting zheng ALWAYS gives the WTD face, ALWAYS. normally for 7min warm up set I halfway give tt face alrdy, but no, today we did 8min and I was fine. fine on the outside but deep inside, I was dyingggg :( anyhow it was good. one good thing about taking pace is I really paid a lot of attention to Vera so our strokes will be synchronized so the left and right side will have synchro timing (: so I learnt to be more conscious of my entry and exit an all the nitty gritty details :D not too bad. was glad we survived. I thk Jason damn encouraging :D today I think I heard 50 "nice! keep going" :D good job SMUDB girls (: and no, I won't give up. as much as I kp abt training and emo abt being weak. I won't give up. Baoqi: give everything BUT up (: quote of the day: The sterner the discipline, the greater the devotion -- Pete Carill
Monday, December 20, 2010
I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naïve.
12/20/2010 11:01:00 pm
Sometimes I want to be weak, be dependent on someone else; sometimes I want to be the most independent woman ever, ready to face any challenges on my own. For now, I just want to be someone who is really strong, someone who doesn’t need 3000 people by her side when she does pull ups in the gym. Someone who can pull her own weight, someone who can do pull ups using elastic bands like everyone else. For now, I want to be really, really, really strong. I constantly feel so weak as compared to the rest of my teammates. I feel weak and helpless and useless. I don’t see myself as a potential asset, I feel like a liability, a dead weight. Let me give you an analogy: My weight is 2X. My teammates probably weigh X. I carry Ykg of weights. My teammates carry 2Ykg. It is unbelievable I know, I can’t believe it either. And it is really sad when people think you’re just slacking because I promise, I really never slack. I am just really weak L it makes me want to give up, but I can’t. I have came this farrrrr! It has been like 4 months of crazy trainings, crying, encouraging myself, doubting myself and encouraging myself again. I don’t want to give up L Today while accompany WenYi to the locker, I saw this poster at SOE, “44 reasons why we love DB”, it was really awesome! I need to come up with endless reasons why I love DB and why I mustn’t give up. One day when I am as good as everyone else, I will know all these shit I am facing now is worth it. After each training, I feel damn awesome and energetic not because I am not physically tiring, but rather I feel happy I made it through another session again! It is during trainings when I fill myself with self doubt and question my “purpose” in DB L I need to be stronger than this! Quote of the day: If you surrender early, you will succeed late J Sunday, December 19, 2010
i dont tell anyone abt the way you hold my hand
12/19/2010 11:58:00 pm
egggciting dayyy today (:went svc w Bff & Derrick (: EBC wore "I LOVE HK" shirt tgt! yay. super obvious and "in your face" effect, success! Hush Puppies was damn fail :( nobody noticed our "puppies" :( sad much after svc went lunch w cg, ate "half a duck" with Bff, Derrick & Ryan :D ommnommnomm. then went Tampines w Ryan. bought A LOT more cards from Urban Write. I am making like 200000 Xmas Cards. damn broke :( cause decorations cost $$ too :( but nvm, once in a yearrrrr. bought stencils too (: so wont ruin the card w my CUI handwriting :\ then went gym. damn freaking tempted to not go. damn damn damn tempted. but cannot :( integrity integrity integrity. I need to have some integrity, at least for DB. haha, or nt I cui. I must admit it is damn tempting to just anyhow do my gym and write my own log sheet my own way but I cannot!! integrityyyyy. and yup, ytd during run, I thought of this quote Jia Min sent me: anyone can give up. it is the easiest thing in the world to do. but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. AWWWWWW, so motivating right. I must keep that in mind (: I must have true strength! thanks Jia Min. keep those quotes coming! anw met Ryan after tt to shop at Tampines Mall b4 heading down to Lynn's party @ Downtown East. met Bff b4 gg in. hada nice time just chatting and talking rubbish. and of course, how can I forget, teaching cg how to dance in the club! Ryan was main instructor HAHAH. damn freaking funny. just lots of fun (: and I keep singing out what I want to say. anything I also sing out in a song. annoying much :\ then come home w bff. didn't rlly talk much because we were both damn tired. and yes I am ggto make MORE cards. my hands rlly want to die alrdy :( :( :( but it is ok.. it is going to be a good christmas, yes it will be =)
Saturday, December 18, 2010
GPA
12/18/2010 12:43:00 am
my first GPA is out. and I need to die because it is nowhere near acceptable BUT it is not 2.7! SO I AM REALLY THANKFUL TO GOD. however, it is not far away from 2.7 :\ I need to work REALLY hard next sem (actually all the following sems) to graduate with a decent grade! NO MORE SLACKING XUETINGGGGshort update for nowww. went moviezx with HaoJie, Linh & Xianglin, watched NARNIA (: nice one. I keeeeep laughing even when no one is laughing. THAT IS "XUETING" FOR YOU. went to get Bao's present then went Bao's birthday (: happy much! (: went Chomp Chomp after tt then Hansel Cao drove me home. thankkkkk chewssss I AM RLLYTIRED NAO, GTG SLP OR NT LATE FOR TRNG MUST CAB AGN. $7.55 IS NT A JOKEEEE sth in my mind: If you aren't going all the way, why go at all? -- Joe Namath SO LATER IN THE WATER, I MUST RMB, IF I AM NOT PULLING THE LONGEST I CAN, WHY PULL AT ALL? LONG PULL (LONG PULL) LONG PULL (LONG PULL), LONG, HARD, PULL AH, LAI AH.
Friday, December 17, 2010
iAmsupposedtobesleeping.
12/17/2010 12:58:00 am
okayzx weeps mentioned this during training and I kept thinking abt the lyrics so here you go!Whenever I am feeling low I look around me and I know There's a team that will stay within me Wherever I may choose to row I will always recall the trainings Know every bridge and shore Row down the rivers until I cry Because my limbs all get sore S, M, U, DB Where I know I must be Where my team waits for me When I am slow when I row S, M, U, DB Is a family to me This is where I won't be alone For this is where, I know it's home When there are trainings to go through You know your team won't kaopeh you Everyone is in this together Be it short pull or long pull So we'll build our dreams together And try to achieve more Closely knitted like a real family It'll be all for one, one for all S, M, U, DB The right place to be in The right CCA for you To make Uni life exciting S, M, U, DB You know you want to join in This is where you won't be alone For this is where, you'll know it's home
(: Tuesday, December 07, 2010
it started out like this.
12/07/2010 02:26:00 pm
it's 2:36pm! time fliesssss. I woke up at 1030 btw :\ keep sleeping, I keep sleeping. by the time I woke up, bff had/ has/ have alrdy gone/went out and came back. efficient much. today is the 3rd time in a week where I woke up with someone beside me. creepy much haha. but wells, all girls :( HAHAHHAHAH. bff went out so I ate MY brunch, did MY laundry, packed MY bag for HKG and watched MY show (HIMYM). it's all about ME. ok, I am just being lame :(anw I'm glad bff is over (: spending 2 nights at my hse b4 we go over to Ryan's tml (: and then HKG HKG HKG. we planned HKG trip during our vacation in Genting! woooohoo. it's been a long time since I HTHT w bff (: I love HTHT sessions ^^ suddenly rmbed the song I came up with for her using Taylor Swift's "Love Story". 11 years of friendship is damn freakkkkin long but I ain't complaining. I believe our f/s will last a long timeeeee (: we'll always be side to side, side side to side. we're going to grow old together, looking back at all the crazy moments we had. all the times we've been there for each other through our ups and downs! and there's Ryan too (: EBC is going be together forever, okay damn ghey :\ and addition to family is Derrick! if bff love Derrick then EBC will love Derrick too. hopefully Ryan and I will find our own pple to add to the EBC family ^^ the most emo thing abt today is I suddenly realised there's LESS THAN A MONTH before school starts. SOMEONE SAY "OH NOOOOOOOO". damn sian, next semester is rlly shit. so many modules :( pol sci & psy is not joke.. and intro to ECONS. my god, ECONS. urgh, make that triple urgh :( :( :( hope BGS and AS won't kill! I dunno what's guna happen to my GPA. apparently AW did a good job in pulling in down, down, down down down :( and sth I must rlllly postttttttttt.
Xueting Zhengso sexy and strong. He may be quite KP, but he sure can go long. XT cant choose between the two, she is so confused. But for nao she is Bah kwa bu, that she cant argue. Guo Ping i'm really impressed by how you can rhyme XT, but is this really the reason why you join SMUDB? not for us but for someone who alr has a family? Can't deny he is cute for his age, but perhaps you should consider the future image.. A boyfriend, a husband who is thrice as old? i think we need to help you, have some self-control... "each time you row, your feelings will grow...." come on this isn't some romantic korean show... You have so many other choices in this big team!!! I'm sure you will soon find, the man of your dreams =) Xueting Zheng oh GuoPing I see how creative you can be but you still dont see what I actually see I want GPS as a coach, not a boyfriend despite the fact that he once held my hand I know he has a family, I know he can't me mine but that doesn't stop him from popping up in my mind GPS will be just a passing phase someone who is my motivation for every race I will soon find the man of my dreams but fingers crossed, let him not be from our team HERE YOU GO GUOPING ♥ THE ENDDDDDD |
The (OWN)er
09 Apr 1991madly_in_love_4eva@hotmail.com pls do not laugh at my email :( 回到过去
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mankind
CHONG
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hehe haha hoho
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