|
敗 犬 |
I found your fingerprints on my shattered heart. I'm a lousy spider, entangled in a love web. Love is an addiction I can't quit. Love isn't a science, you can't calculate the feelings. Can a once in a lifetime love find a second chance? Sometimes when you love someone you gotta forget your own happiness. And remember theirs. When love and determination work together, expect a masterpiece. |
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Learning To Fall
3/28/2009 10:49:00 pm
Today is the dayThe worst day of my life You're so content it hurts me I don't know why The cost of misery Is at an all time high I keep it hidden Close to the surface in sight I'm learning to fall I can hardly breathe When I'm going down don't worry about me Don't try this at home You said you don't see I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me Could you be with him? Or was it just a lie? He doesn't catch you like I do And you don't know why You change your clothes and your hair But I can't change your mind Oh, I'm uninvited So unrequited now I'm learning to fall I can hardly breathe When I'm going down don't worry about me Don't try this at home You said you don't see I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me Words screaming in my head Why did you leave And I can't stop dreaming Watching you and him When it should have been It should have been me Today is the day The worst day of my life I'm learning to fall I can't hardly breathe When I'm going down don't worry about me Don't try this at home You said you don't see I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me Whoa (I'm learning to fall, I can hardly breathe) (I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me) Tell me that you know, it should have been me) Whoa (Don't try this at home, You said you don't see) I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me Whoa (I'm learning to fall, I can hardly breathe) (I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me) Tell me that you know, it should have been me Whoa (Don't try this at home, You said you don't see) I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me this song is really awesome (: By Boys Like Girls. apparently the band is GAY?? what an irony right. but good disguise and great songs (: Marraige - Will you hold on to your covenant?
3/28/2009 07:33:00 pm
Just think it is funny how 2 people can get married and then divorce each other. I dont believe that the reason for divorce is that the couple hate each other, they just forgot how to love each other. Pretty sad, but more marraiges are failing. The worst cause of divorce is adultery. I don't think I can forgive my husband if he cheats on me. I mean like, hello.. I trust you so much to agree and say yes when you propose to me. Believing that you could give me happiness and then you just let temptation lead you astray.. Worst still, dont bother apologising or try to make amendments. Guys can be so cheap at times. Worst case scenario, commit adultery with a woman who is also married. Girls damn jialat, have to compete with other girls and sometimes guys, then finally get together still have to worry about the husband staying faithful after marraige. I think those women who fall in love with married men dont deserve sympathy if the wives of the married men give them hell. I mean.. why be so cheap right, have to stoop down to snatching someone else's man. It's downright pathetic and disgrace all the good women in the world. Anyway, these few weeks Pastor Kong have been preaching about marraige and then have drama to show the bad side of the marriage and drama to show how the good side can be brought out. To me, I can only see the bad side. I cannot see the potential happiness that can be derived from a marriage. Seriously, my environment only makes me hate marraige more. I abhor it. My environment gives me the impression that men cannot be trusted, no matter how close they are to you. My environment also tells me that men are cunning and ruthless. What they want, they get. Even at the expense of your happiness and the promises they make to you. Ouch. Honestly, CJ totally change my mind about marriage. I used to think that it is so nice to get married. And I wanted to get married young and have children while I am young and blah. Now marraige is just some stupid ceremony to me. I dont really care about it. I mean whats the point right. Fall in love just to get hurt. Then get married just to realise that you could actually be much happier being single. You only only resent yourself more for letting that bastard hurt you and ruin your life. I am waiting for the day where I will believe in marriage once again. Friday, March 27, 2009
I am the great pretender and so are you.
3/27/2009 10:54:00 pm
Alfresco was quite awesome except that CI made losses la, but nvm, I guess we all had fun working together as a wing? We are ONE FAMILY(lol). Not a good day, Bio results was badly screwed. I think Mr Eugene like freaking buay song la, but guess what? I actually spent the most time on biology lor ): Math lect was boring, COMPLEX NUMBERS too complex for my brain lurh! Bio lecture wasn't any better. Break was at 10 and I ate until I was damn full(rubs belly)! Then Nu Er came and look for me (: to return me my thumbdrive (: then after tt I decided to go to the staircase to listen to some emo song ): cause I just damn no mood for anything. Anyway got double break so I dont care. Then so emo I cried cause I listened to some silly songs. Then the second break I was damn emo la. And to top it off, Richmond keep playing tennis in class and KEEP HITTING ME. no skill dont play in school. CJC has a tennis court for a REASON. Then I was trying to study math(the complex shit) and then I just kept tearing then my stupid tears has to fall on the inky part of my notes and smudge the whole frigging thing. Best siah, damn best! ): Bio tut was fun but not RLLY fun given that I fail la. then most of it I dun uds?!?! Which is mother annoying ): I wasn't paying attn anyway. Bleh Helped Priscilla and friends take pictures (: Outside class and in the field. So happy for them that the pictures and nicely taken(I guess) =p and then Priscilla made me cryyyyy la! She saw that my eyes brimming with tears then she wanted me to be in the pics also. She thought I was sad that I wasn't in the pics but the thing is I am just very envious of them. Like she have this group of girls that are like cool la, buy her that super awesome balloon. I have never received that kind of super cool helium balloon before, I think it's mother cool la. And in Cjc almost everyone de birthday will have balloon. Its like you're so special la! Everyone knows its your birthday and its such a blissful feeling. I know my birthday alrdy screwed cause there is chinese drama on that day and after that IG celebration so I sure abit cui. All I really wanted initially is just to go drinking ): I am an alcoholic I think =\ Back to the point, I was really happy for them when they likes the pictures lah! Then Pris very cute ask someone help us take pictures then I dunwan take I stand one side then they cute, the all move toward me then I kena la. But cause I rlly dunwan smile mah, then spoil the happiness. My smile alrdy damn fake when I am happy then now I emoly sad my smile will be super duper fake. Then I dunno who come and hug me and then ask me if I am ok then I just keep tearing and tearing! so freaking loser ): but yup, I went Scc while the rest of them went class. I bought sth to eat from the canteen then just emo la. Then talked to Grace and Jaslin for damn long. I really need to talk and talk and talk. Then we just update each other about what happen recently la, but we strictly dont spread what we hear from each other to others. Hah. Thats the policy :P then had council meeting and prepare for alfresco. I think Mr Li damn moooood spoiler. One day I will totally just hate guys and turn lesbians. Like honestly. Philip another one also. Urgh. ONE SAY I NOT PRETTY ONE SAY I FAT. okay very good. I am fat and ugly YAY. Can someone just come and tell me I am stupid? Then I can all 3. such perfect combination la. Seriously man, WITH GUYS LIDAT, I will have to bring my girlfriend home to see my parents liao. They will never get a son-in-law la. Too bad la, all jerks out there only. Screw up guys. Was chatting in CI room with Gwen and JoshChew. then josh said sth like: of course kiss la, is always the guy kiss the girl already then ask her to be his girlfriend one what. WHEN I HEARD TT I WAS LIKE THINKING: omg totally not true and damn joke la. Sometimes I think everyone can get "Stars Award". Cause everyone is damn good at faking and pretending. But then again, everyone is also good and exposing one another's secret. Ultimately there will be no secret right? So whats is the point of hiding right? Someone give me the answer to this question please. Enlighten me! I think when everyone just pretend and act like as if nothing has happened, it actually cause more hurt. Cause only you know deep down in your heart what is going on, and you just want to deny your feelings, which sucks. SUCKS TO BE ME. Urgh Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Misery attacks you when you're alone.
3/25/2009 07:46:00 pm
ECONS RESULTS SUCK. LOWEST IN CLASS. AWESOME. but I don't blame myself. Okay, or rather I push the blame to events that happened during common test. So I feel less guilty. And I didn't mug for it, so I don't feel bad la. Cause I think I deserve what I got. Like honestly.. I have NEVER done a single econs tutorial in my ENTIRE JC LIFE, I deserve to be the last. Maths lecture was fun though! Neva, Hongyun and Nithya knows why. HAHA. So fun to hang out with them, bring so much laughter into my life! I just kept laughing and laughing during the lecture la (: and I managed to finish eating my sandwich without Chye Fook noticing. Howp ro right. Then we had fun laughing at someone who was applying pimple cream in the lt. WTF LA I WAS ROFLMAO. not literally though. GP was bad la. I DEPROVED OK. Sian to the max la, but nvm, I think it is just that the paper was tough. No one got A! I shouldn't feel bad =P Chem was DAMN BAD. Had a hard time trying to catch what Violet Teo was teaching. I am just slow so never mind! Thanks Hongyun for helping okay! You have been a damn nice classmate and friend to me. And study buddy (: Even though my CT results like never show any improvement or any signs of effort put in studies, still thanks to you okay! I think I would have gotten straight Us if you didn't help! So thanks. Council meeting was BRAIN DRAINING. My heart is gone and so is my brain! ): what is worse than having council meeting after school?! Nothing! And so many juniors wanted to join council la! Silly people!! Date for E.W has been set! so let's go CI! Fri is Alfresco, all CJCians pls support can? I think it's damn tiring to wear a smile. SO FREAKING FAKE. I have had enough ): but something that I must keep in check! My attitude! Hongyun say my attitude needs to change!! I think I am damn moody and lose my temper easily too! Must reflect! =D I dunwan to be a loser and lose all my friends around me. I value ALL my friendships, regardless of whether the other party value it as much as I do or NOT. And I mean it. ALFRESCO 27MAR09 FRI 1800-2200 CJC Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Take Note
3/24/2009 11:42:00 pm
Blog will be closed with effect from April10.Last post will be to thank my friends. then poooooof gone. I need to find back the freedom and the peace I derived from blogging. LIFE SUCKS SO MUCH I DUNWAN GO SCH TML I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF SCHOOL and I was reflecting just now.
Perhaps if I din insist on changing facil partner, I will be much happier now. I might be in a different IG?? just thinking, not very sure also. Should talk to Francis soon. clarify some doubts. I am damn tired. I just wna drop dead and not report for school. but screw it there's council meeeeeeeeting tml. BLOOOOODY HELL. and 真实 is making me cry la. my god, my eyes rlly SWOLLEN. it might burst anytime SOON. honestly. and maybe I will disappear from Earth. I wanna watch a sad movie by myself! I think Friday! 真实 - Let me tell you the truth
3/24/2009 11:38:00 pm
你说的话在我心中生了根爱得很深所以心会疼 记忆 在我的心中翻滚 是不是每一个人 都像我一样笨 只怕再问对彼此都太残忍 我能感觉另外一个人 我等等笑容换成泪痕 爱在崩溃的时候 比较真 太多疑问 知道答案又如何 原来容忍不需要天份 只要爱错一个人 心痛比快乐更真实 爱为何这样的讽刺 我忘了这是第几次 一见你就无法坚持 孤独比拥抱更真实 爱让人失去了理智 会不会是我太自私 拒绝更寂寞的日子 放不开也看不见未来 难道这种不完美 才是爱情真实的样子 OMG HY AND I BEST TEAMWORK EVER
3/24/2009 06:37:00 pm
HAHAHA HY AND I WERE BLOGHOPPING. OK NT BLOGHOPPING WE JUST VIEWED ONE BLOG. but the main point is we made a GREAT DISCOVERY (: I think we deserve Nobel Prize LOLOLOL!all thanks to Hongyun's sharp eyes and my great deduction. I THINK WE DAMN AWESOME la. like honestly, so random la just scrolling and I was just talking some random stuff then he ask me scroll back then I was like thinking why la then I was like ohhhhhhhh I think I get it. I think we should be detectives, dunno why we din manage to find out the murderer for CSI CJC during sci camp! We so FREAKING OBSERVANT. So I think friends around us SHOULD really THINK TWICE about hiding secrets from us. LOL. Not that our friends have alot to hide, just that like econs, there is always an exception among the trend. LOLOL. anyone want hire us for PI, we help you all find out if your husband or wife or good friends are cheating on you (: if they have blogs, let us view it. we can make great deductions (: WE OWN OWN OWN OWN OWN Monday, March 23, 2009
THE LIES
3/23/2009 10:29:00 pm
School rocks, Pe was fun, the weather was great (:I am happy Chem results was awesome, can see myself getting A for Alevels =) I am happy Holidays aren't fun at all, I love being in school (: I am happy Emo songs are retarded, they aren't important to me at all I am happy Napfa is like the best subject ever, makes you feel great (: I am happy All friends are true to you, they aren't hypocrites who say one thing and do another (= I am happy Love is just a silly feeling, I dont emo over it! Why would anyone? I am happy School is all about studies, not emotions I am happy Tissues are not my best friend, I dont cry easily I am happy I AM SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY LIFE IS SO SO SO SO SO GREAT I AM FILLED WITH HAPPINESS EVERY SINGLE DAY MY FRIENDS ARE GREAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE GREAT LIFE ROCKS I LOOK FORWARD TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY. Bad start for this week ):
3/23/2009 09:21:00 pm
Bio results suck! SUCK SUCK SUCK. nvm, I will TRY harder =\ hopefully I pass overall. I think for me to pass right my MCQ must get full marks. and structured qns must get full marks. GIVEN TT MY ESSAY SUCKS SO MUCH. Could tell by Mr Eugene's face, like the "xueting-i-thk-you-shld-die" face. but he talked to everyone while returning scripts and he was like "let handsome help you" cause i always call him handsome! he cute la, so nice to me, ltr i fall in love with you how!! then PE was just as bad. the whole class ONLY TAY SUET THENG THE LOSER cnnt do inclined pull up. =( and I FAIL SBJ! but got A for SIT UPS AND SIT N RCH!! I dunwan run lor, next week 2.4km screw it la! but jeffery was kinda nice today la. HAD A GREAT BREAK TODAY. seriously damn alot of food la. and chong makes nice sandwich! (: next time dont waste aluminium foil la! =Danyway talking abt pe only makes me pissed cause of some SCREW UP J1S LA. eh i dont like you as much as you dont like me ok. SERIOUSLY LA U THK I WILL SCOLD U AND GIVE U BLACK FACE IF U DIN DO WHAT U DID MEH. bloody hell not happy come confront me ok, i will tell u straight in ur face what the heck is wrong with you(and your friends). YOUR FACE SO SCARY LA, still dare LAUGH at other people. I dunno your "victim" well, but i bet her heart is better than yours by a million times. CORRECTION, do you even have a heart? everytime i walk past you, i will JUST stare and diao and make sure you see me give you black face. screwed up kid. back to school stuff (: econs lect i did nth la. all i did was wake chongloon up! and just arrange my worksheets and sort out my homework. and some thoughts ): but was dozing off too. thanks chongloon for helping me pass thumbdrive to teresa! i was damn lazy to walk up to 5th floor. YAH LA I KNOW U WNA CALL ME FAT LEGS AGN! =p you thk ur leg damn thin right =p gp was tiring la. Mr Wee funny la, say i look damn crestfallen, if thats the word the whole period and say my face damn sad since he stepped in.. which reminds me that Clar said my face looked damn tired today. I HONESTLY THK I FACE SPOIL LA, everyone is saying that I look gloomy and sad! die die die ): Chem was sleep inducing but cause we need to check paper I din sleep. haha. and then my chem result was HORRIBLE. rlly ultimate "U". congrats xueting. WORST PAPER DONE EVER. and they counted my score wrongly la -.- nt like the few marks gt help but... its about Pride. HAAH. there is a difference btw getting 9/80 and 10/80! aft sch chiong go meet William tosing KTV! hah. we both can go die la we zou ying like no mother's problem. HAH. and when eating dinner right I xian hai william .HAHA he was buying kway chap then i made him ask the kway chap uncle hw old(or young) he was! then i thk the uncle thk he gay! haha. then the uncle say he 20plus! so actually not uncle. but haha DAMN FUNNNY LA. then william was like: i also dunno why u ask me ask i just ask!! SORRY LA WILLIAM NOW HE THKS U R GAY! (: then william damn awkward haha. u cnnt go back there for kway chap liao, he will remember you!! =P had conference call and i am gg to pack my bag liao! then sort out some folders in my comp. MESSY MESSY ): i love emo songs. send me all the emo songs all of you have! D= Sunday, March 22, 2009
decisions
3/22/2009 05:47:00 pm
thking of "privatising" my blog! SO TT I CAN BLOG HONESTLY. at least i look back at my archives in 10yrs time i will be able to know how i feel when i was 18?!?! by then my kids(since i will be 28) will be able to know about the sad life their mum lead.. and learn from me(hopefully larh)back to privatising. i thk it has been damn long since i slam the keyboard and blog what i REALLy think and feel. because i dunwan to bear the consequences. not in a sense that it will offend, but rather affect. but it will be super inconvenient to let close firends know abt my life. cause seriously its nt like all of us are damn free to keep in touch but we r free to read blogs then see interesting update will kpoh ask abit or send sms to comfort la. so privatising blog damn ma fan! went for svc today. couldn't rlly fellowship with cg cause of strikeforce. i kinda regret joining the ministry. first meeting to shift stuff i alrdy like so sianed. and then THE ONE was really THE ONE. i was talking to bff about THE ONE might be THE ONE then THE ONE was really THE ONE. i how sad la! i din want THE ONE to be THE ONE. anyway there is HGU and HG at SF, i think HGUGF is nice. but the main point is HGU damn hot (: hehehehehehehehheeheheh. I cant wait for William to join SF. then i wont be lonely/emo anymore. sch going to reopen. i am not sure if i can face schoool. i dread school. was quite emo but i saw some notes in this place whr i keep all the notes and i saw nerissa's and teresa's notes for me. like so tears inducing ): nerissa said she wanted me to smile more but only smiles that are from the bottom of my heart. i thking i have been pretending too much. I NEEEED TO SMILE MOREEEE! and teresa said i made orientation the best experience ever. i guess this is subjective, i dont think everyone agrees that i have been a good/great facil. i broke the rule, that most important rule that francis was harping on. LASTLY, before i end my emo post, just wanna wish those with common test tml goood luck ok. ALL As for BFF (: you will do exceedingly abundantly well (: pass with flying soaring gliding colours lol! the world is cruel, it plays with your feelings and emotions. i dont have a happy ending, but i am glad tt josh and ash are together (: and sth tt today's svc taught me. ok i am nt suppose to TAKE IN this. cause it is like a bad thing but there was a drama and the woman said to the guy: i regret the first time i met you, it was the greatest mistake in my life. how sad right, to fall in love and then realise that it was a big mistake. i think jc life changed my perception about marraige. i dont really want to get married give birth, be a housewife. i thk i will become a spinster. if you dont fall in love, you will NEVER fall out of love. end of emo post. slp time! hungry agn! GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD Saturday, March 21, 2009
YAY NEW BLOGSKIN
3/21/2009 06:46:00 pm
yes my new blogskin is awesome. its simply simple (:went cg today! i m tired nao i wna slp ): i am thking abt stuff agn! sian! Friday, March 20, 2009
blogger sucks
3/20/2009 11:59:00 pm
blogger is mother slow ): everytime got error. maybe should rlly switch to livejournal. but lazy adapt. yes, i hate adapting to a new envt. i hate adapting to a life where some people are gone. or will be gone, or forced to leave.happy that huanqing bestie came over just now. talked alot. and she FORCE ME TO CONFESS all my unhappiness. haha. but it felt damn good la. sry bestie for nt updating you for so long. BUT YOU STARE AT MY COMP FOR DAMN LONG HUH. see cute boy then become lidat. TSKTSK! see you soon alright. MUST MEET UP (: wont say i miss you cause i just saw u 4hrs ago =p great news: today was my second last visit to hougang polyclinic. cause will be done with the teeth stuff soon. and then braces =D LETS EMBRACE BRACES! (: yay, bought stuff. and bought doughnut. MANGO CUSTARD. not very nice =\ bad news: i dont thk the dentist did a good job. damn tired. should go rest soooooon. the bloooody horror film sucks. I WATCHED IT BEFORE BUT DAMN SCARY. i cannot take it anymore. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! i am scared ): its like mother scary. THAI FILMS OWN MUCH. Dental day
3/20/2009 11:41:00 am
gg for dental ltr (: meeting Jiajie at Tpy first.to return him his fone. I told wt last night that I am done forgetting the people that I am supposed to forget I felt damn empty after saying that. Like people that were involved in your life, somewhere etched in your heart and memory Its like literally cutting out a piece of your brain or heart, and that hurts. but then again, by not letting go, it hurts even mor. they are like the sweets that cause decay in your mouth. you need to stop eating sweets, get the decay done. make sure all your teeth are strong enough again. then you can eat sweets again. your dentist probably put some protective thing. so your sweets wont hurt you again. so emo in the morning ): I rlly need to find back my happiness ): and smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (: but cannot. AND MISS TEO KEEP HARPING ON CHEM RESULTS ): YES I KNOW I GOT AN U. SRY MISS TEO I CNNT PRETEND NTH HAPPEN AND LET MY MOOD BE UNAFFECTED I HAVE FEELINGS. I AM ONLY SRY FOR NT MUGGING HARD ENUF AND SRY FOR LETTING EVENTS AFFECT MY MOOD I AM NT SRY FOR "GIVING UP". BECAUSE I DIN. hate it when teachers assume that you have bad grades because you give up. damn sian now. I CANT BELIEVE I FREAKING GT "U" lor. i wanted "S" de ): nvm, forget it ): I will forget it like how I forget people. its FINE. I DONT CARE. RAWR. I rlly like what Joey said in YQWM2 ytd 除了笑容，什么都不要留给我， 除了回忆，我社么也不要带走。 damn freak emo, I know. I was about to cry la when I heard it. Joey wanted to spoil the r/s btw Sky and Meili(shit duno her name) then after tt still go and give them her blessings, hyprocite I would say and its rlly about the intention and not the action at least Sky and Meili have a happy ending (: not everyone has a happy ending ): if Sky and Meili have strong r/s, Joey wont be able to do anything. WHICH THEY HAVE (: so Joey din manage to do anything (: I mean this is just a show but I am rlly happy to see such a gg ending (: at least it helps me believe in happiness, and strong r/s I rmbed I told yating this before "before I met you and ______, I never rlly believe that r/s will last and be so sweet" okay i meant its quite redundant but i thk ke yi grow old w the person you love is like damn damn damn xin fu (: ok emo enough. shall catch some slp b4 meeting JJ. Thursday, March 19, 2009
FACIL PARTY AND SYF DRAMA!
3/19/2009 11:01:00 pm
alright.summary of ytd and today! WED met Yishi and then went Novena ate Doughnut factory (: then went Orchard, ATTEMPTED to repair phone. BUT FAILED. damn. went Facil Party, ATTEMPTED to eat and eat but failed. but drank some alc, damn little bit. stayover at Vic's house. AWESOMELY BIG LA THURS woke up at 9 and went straight to school. ONLY TO REALISE I WASN'T LATE TO REPORT AT 9 I suppose to report at 1. DAMN DAMN DAMN IT. anyhow yishi came over to CJC and after tt we went tpy. suppose to eat hy but keep looking for stuff so din. went back to sch for drama. so damn tired. and did the china ppt thing also =( met YATING and ABEL at J8 (: came home with Yishi. HAHA. meeting Jiajie tml to return him his phone. HAH Jiajie h3 maths ultimate siah, can forget his phone!! I SHOULD STOP LYING TO MYSELF. RAWR. only weiting knows why ): AND WT KNOWS WHY I NEED TO BATHE! YISHI ALSO KNOW. HAHA. 5000times!! =D Tuesday, March 17, 2009
back from SCIENCE(hell) CAMP 2009
3/17/2009 07:07:00 pm
ok left for SCamp ytd morning! =)gathered at foyer to meet nithya and nevaa(beloved grp members) just wna say to nithya.. THANKS SO MUCH ON SUN NIGHT. I love you so so so much. I hope I din scare you ): it was rlly nice of you to call and listening to nothing but my sobbing. I am damn thankful for a friend like you alright (: i wanna give NITHYA a big big big big hug and squeeze you (: anw waited for hy to come and we went for briefing tgt quite slack la still got time eat brekfast lor!! =p then expt and more expt which was quite fun. AND EAT LUNCH! =) after lunch the stupid rocket station was HORRIBLE. like honestly. the facils at the station like abit NT PROFESSIONAL -.- and gg to the grandstand and feild just brings back memories from Orient. I felt damn emotional when I walked down the grandstand and looked at the field at the same time. memories can be your best friend or worst enemy, honestly. but the rocket station made me so angry tt i forgot abt orient. then after tt more stations and then before we knew it.. BREAK TIME! had time to talk to the rest (: decided to listen to music by myself and then i started tearing agn. was alright until i saw hongyun, nevaa and nithya. cause when i saw them i just broke down and cried damn badly. which was quite embarassing. they said nth but just listened to me cry. sorry nithya, i broke my promise ): i know i said i wont cry.. but after tt i was kinda fine and then nevaa said sth to me "i wont say "its ok" to you cause i know it's nt okay.. but just try to let go ok then it will be ok" made me feel like i have become so much sillier because i cant even do the most basic thing in life which is to control my emotion. =\ anyhows, went to play badminton with 2T25 (: best classsss ever =p I LOVE MY CLASS (: and nevaa said agn that it was gd cause divert my attn! (: ate dinner and then started CSI CJC (oh so interesting NOT) okay la cause my grp din get the killer. but full of suspense though =p then went to bathe and talked to the girls (: listened to music for awhile and went to sleeeep (: it was hard trying to sleep but I did it anyway! and nithya said she hear like sniffs in the middle of the night which i assured her tt i was just wheezing (: then we ate breakfast(SUCKS LIKE ARGH) had more expt which was just retarded and lame and blahhhhh =\ then finally can go home. ate lunch and played badminton with classmates agn! yes yes distract myself (: went home and yishi came over (: then she left and then i unpacked and found my oreint package for facil. damn it, looking through the stuff just sucks. i want to throw everyhting related to orient away but the committee put in hell lot of effort so i wont throw away (: just need somewhere to store my council stuffs! OVERWHELMING just like my emotions (: talking to wt now.. will wait till 910. then call ys so can chat w her on her way home (: WEAR UNTIL SO PRETTY LTR THE KID U GIVING CIP TUITION TO WILL BE DISTRACTED! listening to "对不起，我不爱你" now. and now "Thunder" even itunes bully me. which reminds me. MY MP3 KEEP FEEDING ME EMO SONGS. but then agn nt it's fault cause all i put inside are emo songs =\ but got those realllllllly nice happy songs! but probability ALMOST ZERO =[ and now "回到过去". i can kbox at home liao :( THANKS LIST BFF(: thanks girl, I know you try very hard to be encouraging (: and given that I explode into tears anywhere and everywhere, i know itsa tough for you to handle my tears but you did it. BESTIE(: you dont know the whole story, but you did what you could to cheeer me up. i promise you that i will come to your house soon okay! stayovers and pratas are the sex! Weiting(: my pretty friend. thanks for everything you analyzed and sort out for me. thanks for being here for me. we are in the same boat. just probably i am sinking the boat cause i heavy =p okay random but "搁浅" is a really sad song. its damn effing sad. tears inducing. HAIII. Nithya(: stop being nice to me! you're too nice to me alrdy lor! hah. but srsly v sweet. never fail to make me smile. thanks girl, you are AWESOME =p Nevaa(: nice face to touch =p and speaks wise words. i am so weak you dont have to judo me i fall alrdy =p but sleeping beside you rocks. and thanks for the the 1001 pieces of tissue ytd. love ya! Gary: thanks ok. reception is bad I know. and army boys at field camps can make callllls mehhhh!! sneaky =p but appreciate it that you care. i am sorry for saying that i will call and then call back only 2 days ltr. at least u dun have to put up with my sobbings! Teresa: thanks girl. you nvr fail to make mummy laugh. best daughter award lor (: hehe you be strong too. WE ROCK RIGHT? -yes- gg out with BFF tml. then duno whether wna go facil party anot. like damn no mood and no reason to go =\ after she go for guitar tml.. i wanted to watch "MARLEY AND ME" alone de... belmond said very very nice and confirm will cry. so i guess it's a good time to release my emotions? hmmms, do decision matrix. never tried watching a movie alone. the last time sum1 tried to do it, i went movie with her. but i guess i need to watch this alone and cry like 1 am the only one in the cinema. yating just sent me an emo song. time to emo. goodbye cruel world Sunday, March 15, 2009
chicken drumstick at T3!
3/15/2009 08:18:00 pm
Back and I am so damn tired! The journey home took like 2hrs? Ok la, Ys and I act cute wna take bus! ZZZ take until butt rot! =(Sat went for archery then after that went off with Nicolette. I made new friends(Ian, Sean, Irene). Ran in the rain. I forgot the last time I ran in the rain. but when to meet my Yishi and Ryan at Tpy. then they super duper act cute lor, my dearest EBC wna go Dhoby so the very obliging President went with them! =D We had a fun time eating and talking crap and eating and walking around and eating and eating and eating! =) its like so shiok to hang out with them. Friends never fade away(thats what i just told Ryan on msn). I rmbed the last time I was so damn upset my friends like almost 24/7 for me. Well, I must say I am damn lucky to have my lovely friends with me. Thanks for everything people, rlly thanks for ALL your encouragement alright. Some on you dont know what happened but you all sent those sweet lovely messages anyway! =D thanks my friends! YU KNOW HW MUCH I LOVE YOU ALL? I love you all so much that blogger cant upload my love! =P after that Ryan left and then Yishi and I went home. she came over to my house! =D YAY! come here for dried kiwi only =p my mum knows about your AFFAIR with her dried kiwi okay! and then sth damn retarded happened. I keep doing silly stuff these few days, like not concentrating so ytd we were in the lift with another couple who live on the 5th floor. then when the lift open at the 5th floor I wanted to walk out then Yishi pull me back I still dunno why lor! then she say my face so stone and emo ): we had quite a fun time just talking crap and more crap. then she leave. them emptiness creeps into my heart and tells me that it is going to be my new best friend. Sun woke up early to make breakfast for Yishi! haha, only boiled egg but still.. its effort! then we went to church tgt (: okay today's word was like initially quite hard to catch but at the back very good liao. (: then went for strikeforce interview. I WILL RLLY APPRCIATE IF SOME PEOPLE'S ATTITUDE NT SO BAD LA. honestly, imagine I rlly get in.. I will have to work with those people, or rather I can work with them but not be like them. ate with Cg at T3. the case with the chicken drumstick is damn bloooooody hilarious =p I just cant stop laughing la =p then stayed at T3 with Yishi to study. she studied then I kept falling alseep then she keep kicking me! =( sorry la, I too tired liao ): and we bought some food and went home. I actually bought chocolate. I dont believe chocolate can make one happy, but since I am desperate for some joy, I will have a go at anything. Then on the bus she say I got emo face... cause we were listening to just so you know ): okay dont want to elaborate on the pathetic emoness I am in now. goodbye cruel world! I shouldn't love you but i want to I just can't turn away I shouldn't see you but i can't move I can't look away [x2] And I dont know how to be fine when I'm not Cause I don't know how to make the feelings stop Just so you know This feelings takin control Of me and I can't help it I wont sit around I can't let him win now Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go of you But I don't want to I just gotta say it all before I go Just so you know It's gettin hard to Be around you Theres so much I can't say And do you want me to hide the feelings And look the other way And I dont know how to be fine when i'm not Cause I don't know how to make the feelings stop Just so you know This feelings takin control Of me and I can't help it I wont sit around I can't let him win now Though you should know I've tried my best to let go of you But I don't want to I just gotta say it all before you go Just so you know This emptyness is killin me I'm wonderin why I've waited so long Lookin back I realize it was always there just never spoken Now I'm waitin here Been waitin here Just so you know This feelings takin control Of me and I can't help it I wont sit around I can't let him win now Though you should know I've tried my best to let go of you But I don't want to I just gotta say it all before you go Just so you know Friday, March 13, 2009
CT OVER. SO IS MY LIFE
3/13/2009 10:42:00 pm
play confirm FLUNK ct. and maybe will do worse than MIDYRS 2008. coooonfirm.i mean this week like damn jialat and plus i never study. okay dont blame mood and events. if fail 70% is due to laziness 30% due to moodlessness well I dont rlly care la. I am like walking zombie now. TOO TIRED LIAO. every night MUG(i wish) =p i think my face damn spoil la. after maths paper vivien ask me hw am I I tot she meant the paper la then I said sth la, the paer too tough then she was like "I mean how are you" that sentence totally tears-inducing then she said since weds my face like damn gloomy WHICH MEANS PPL TT I COME IN CONTACT W WILL THK THE SAME sure thk I am some weird problematic emo kid I AM NOT! I am cheerful lor. okay.. I was.. but thats not the point(haha, so mr leong-ish) but damn happy that today is friday (: and can do what i wanted to do since tues (: which is to go to PAC area there and sit and just enjoy the peace and quietness listened to 放了爱 and I cried abit. this song rlly touches my heart I stupidly cried on my bag and then cause the bag spoil nt exactly waterproof.. my wallet inside the bag wet. argh! careless! =( walked arnd sch for awhile and found some peace went to scc and found no one so went to the canteen. was just sitting down then someone(i forgot who) asked if i was ok i think it was sameer la. and some other random people. say i look damn emo! (arghhh, agn) then i think tianyu xavier jiajie josh walk past then xavier n tianyu say i look sad also! OMG MY FACE SO NEUTRAL. next time must must face so look like smiling left sch after meeting theresa (: we chatted for a while then we went sch! i went orchard meet bff we movie-d! HE IS JUST NT TT INTO YOU or rather HE IS JUST NT INTO YOU learnt alot from the show. got one part it was such a happy ending I was so happy for that character I cried. so damn freaking touching la damn alot of things that relate to my life. but the difference is that they have a planned nice ending. damn sweet movie and I dont mind watching again. I also wanna watch Marley and Me. honestly Jennifer Aniston like freaking hot? urghhhh. think I will watch Marley and Me alone. and appreciate the movie myself. I am beginning to like the feeling of being with myself (: i think the past part of the HIJNTIY movie is damn nice the woman who divorced her busband moved out on her own and said sth about not needing a guy in her life and blah. sth that was damn full-of-sense. i should totally learn from her la! =D and then I saw Osman after that! he said my face upset also! then i like quickly changed the topic to maths! haha. jialat la, my face damn spoil ): but I thought I looked happy lor? No? need BOTOX from Alex Tan alrdy =\ must hurry bathe and book the washing machine! or not mum fight with me! Perfect Cut 2 very nice Lee Hom's Everything very nice Guo Mei Mei's Xu Yuan Shu very nice also (: Xueting the strong man(since everyone say I man) can she overcome? Xueting the strong man YES SHE CAN! tml tml tml tml tml tml! I dunwan tml to come. I DUNWAN. DUNWAN DUNWAN. let time just stop here. or should I say, let time rewind. I wont make the same mistake again. I wont let my heart be ripped apart, I wont let anyone know what I think and how I feel. WHEE (:
3/13/2009 08:47:00 pm
I love that elegance (: my teeth wants supper. that goth escaped and stole a telephone near macdonalds holding apollo biscuit. the result of mixing redbull and icecream is an endothermic reaction producing donkeythe above is a paragraph of rubbish. to most people it is. BUT ONLY WEITING KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. hehe. (: thats is wo men de mi mi. if u wna know what it means ask me. if we r close enough i will tell you. or not u will know tt i dont like u la. HAHAHA YOUR MOTHER IS FAT :) Thursday, March 12, 2009
Project Smile (:
3/12/2009 11:15:00 pm
out from bathing. damn shiok. sth stupid tt i thought of: since i always cry when i bathe WHY ON THE TAP RIGHT waste water only. haha getting lamer by the day!happy today =D -met up with BFF -went for LYL's cGL meeting tml is last day of common test so happppppppy (: kai xin de bu de liao! (: countdown to end of common test 12hrs (: yay cant wait to go out with bff tml (: so happy (: we're watching "He's just not that into you" I LOVE BFF THIS WEEK IS JUST AWESOME CAUSE WE SEE EACH OTHER LIKE ALMOST EVERYDAY. muacks (: 放了愛
3/12/2009 10:44:00 pm
你 指向遠方 愛情很晴朗笑問不如今後就我們倆 怕 淚 會反光鑽進你胸膛 但那不是感動 是 淚無法儲藏 把美夢鎖上 以為是天堂 羽翼折起在你身邊靜靜躺 卻只能用目光空中翱翔 還得喬裝安份 靠在你肩膀 放了愛 為了愛 這不是我 該怎麼生活 放了愛 你說你喜歡 我笑得開朗 你越溫柔 我越不想撒謊 我已辦不到你 想要的那樣 客氣地配合你我感覺更勉強 別人的幸福 何必要模仿 心不在何苦 留軀殼在身旁 加滿自由我要無重量飛翔 就算以分離收場 放了愛 為了愛 這不是我 該怎麼生活 放了愛 會明白 有種擁有 叫作放手 我的心為愛流離失所 緊握最後回家的線索 等到尋獲真正的我 證明我決定沒有錯 放了愛 為了愛 這不是我 想要的生活 放了愛 你會明白 有種擁有 叫作放手 放了愛 放了愛 我 放了愛 SLAP SELF
3/12/2009 12:18:00 am
XT: YOU SHOULD WAKE UP, STOP THINKING ABOUT UNNECCESSARY THINGS AND PEOPLE. TREASURE THOSE YOU HAVE, NOT THOSE THAT DONT BELONG TO YOU AND NEVER WILL. WAKE UP YOUR IDEA, YOUR ARE STRONGER AND BETTER THAN THIS SITUATION YOU ARE FACING. TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS MAY COME BUT YOU WILL OVERCOME IT. DONT LET YOURSELF DOWN. DONT LIVE IN REGRET. YOU DONT GET WHAT YOU WANT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THE PROBLEM LIES WITH YOU. LOOK FOR AN ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION. DONT JUST STAND AROUND THE PROBLEM. TURN THE OTHER WAY. YOU MAY FIND LIGHT.yeap its a note to self. DAMN IT I WILL BE OKAY! Wednesday, March 11, 2009
letting go
3/11/2009 09:21:00 pm
i shld have saw the signs.i shldn't have been so naive. i shld have listened to Francis when he gave that briefing. i shldn't have open up my heart to you. CHEM WAS BAD TODAY. DAMN SHIT. ITS LIKE I DID LESS THAN 1/4 ): EMO LIKE HELL. sorry poxian I thought nobody will come to the scc. and damn sorry my weeping and asthma-sound alike crying disturbed you ): sorry po ): and thanks tianyu. thanks for singing me songs and talking to me. although all i did was cry and cry i was glad u were there for me (: rlly i think i should really use my talent in crying during chinese drama so that the laoshi will end rehearsal earlier. i have got 101 reasons to cry so i will flaunt my talent in crying during next rehearsal! initially it will hurt but i know i will be immuned to this heartache. Monday, March 09, 2009
EMO DAMN IT
3/09/2009 11:07:00 pm
你要的不是我心碎的失去轮廓 曾经给你的感动 只是情绪的波动 能给的不是我 放任你沉溺自由 掩饰不了我的笨拙 就连说话都会颤抖 我被遗忘在 你遗忘的角落 因为太了解所以很伤心 没有你只好听着风的呼吸网 却有种叫做时间的东西 说没问题 最后我们会痊愈 因为太了解我无法坚定 这一次会要掉眼泪的决定 有些遗憾只能一个人听 很对不起 我还是珍惜 Saturday, March 07, 2009
ARGH
3/07/2009 01:11:00 am
OKAY YES I GOT A B FOR CHINESE A LEVELS.YES LOSER-ISH GIVEN TT I TOOK HMT FOR 6YRS GOT A C6 FOR HMT O LEVELS WASTED ONE YR IN CJC TAKE H1 CHINESE NOW GET B. OKAY I UDS STAND THAT I AM NT CUT OUT FOR CHINESE. I DUN CARE ABT IT ANYMORE. I DONT WANNA CARE ABT COMMON TEST ALSO. SINCE ITS LIKE NTH IS PREDICTABLE AND THERE IS NO RETAINING. SO SCREW IT. BUT I AM DAMN HAPPY FOR PEOPLE WHO GOT A (: UNBELIEVABLE BUT I ACTUALLY MEAN IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART BECAUSE I LOVE MY FRIENDS. (: -this has gt nth to do with the screwed chinese results- fri was the worst day in this entire week. nt sure if i made the right decision. wt said i made the same mistake again, which is true. HAI. i shld freaking learn my lesson. you treat people as friend doesn't mean they treat you as friend. and some people can hurt you like mad everyday. torment you with their insensitive words and actions. and i freaking cried over such trivial stuff. when i should not be thinking about it. I HATE THIS EVIL WORLD AND YES ALL THESE PEOPLE TT I HATE ARE GUYS. another reason to turn lesbian. HOWEVER the world still consist of nice guys la. LIKE CHANGCUN. okay i am bais cause CC so FREAKING CUTE. I wanna go back to Rockafella 2008. after the concert ended. yup, just a few minutes after it ended. that moment was one of those few best moment in my life. thinking abt making my blog private. so i can blog about people i dont like explicitly la. but quite sian. if they dont see i dont achieve my aim. DAMN IT. dilemna. i think guys my age SHOULD ACT THEIR AGE. i hate it when guys are supposed to be more firm and mature and then they screw up and act like some kids. IT IS ANNOYING.but then again when people are young, they are more innocent. THEY WONT PLOT ANYTHING AGAINST YOU. THEY WONT DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU WANNA CRY, OR GIVE THEM A SLAP IN THEIR FACE. HAI. ren sheng duan duan ji shi nian. i promise you from today onwards, whenever i see you i will give you a hug. -hooks pinkies- |
The (OWN)er
09 Apr 1991madly_in_love_4eva@hotmail.com pls do not laugh at my email :( 回到过去
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mankind
CHONG
BFF
BESTIE
ESJSB
GWEN
MUMMY
KEN
SHIHUI
TERESA
TIAK
XIAOHONG
hehe haha hoho
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