我不是你想像的那么勇敢

敗犬

I found your fingerprints on my shattered heart.

I'm a lousy spider, entangled in a love web.
Love is an addiction I can't quit.
Love isn't a science, you can't calculate the feelings.
Can a once in a lifetime love find a second chance?
Sometimes when you love someone you gotta forget your own happiness. And remember theirs.
When love and determination work together, expect a masterpiece.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

lost.

4/29/2008 08:38:00 pm

i dont know what to do.
aware of the situtation
but cant do much about it.
this is the ultimately SUCK feeling.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

4/27/2008 02:11:00 am

I Will Bless The Lord
(verse 1)
I will bless the Lord with all my soul
I will bless the One who made me whole
(for) You alone my Lord, my heart will sing
I will bless the Lord with all my soul

(verse 2)
I will tell of all Your mighty love
That pulled me from the dark into Your light
(for) You alone my Lord, my heart will sing
I will tell of all Your mighty love

(chorus)
Holy are You Lord
My heart will sing out
Mighty Son of God
My soul will cry out
Worthy Lamb of God
My life will sing out
I will bless the Lord with all my soul

(bridge)
God of all the earth (X3)
Jesus

Alive
Alive, In You we're so alive
With new hopes in our hearts
For the freedom that You gave
Yeah, the freedom in our lives

Our lives have been redeemed
By the beautiful blood of Christ
So now we come to You
So now we worship You

(pre-chorus)
You make all things possible
You reign Victorious

(chorus)
All our voices sing
All creation bring
Their adoration for the King
Who reigns in glory
Behold the One who's making all things new
For we have been redeemed
Yes, we have been set free
And You are all we need
So now our lives will shine for all to see

Alleluia to Christ the Lord
(verse 1)
I will lift my heart and sing
I will worship You my King
Earth and heaven now proclaim
Jesus Christ the Mighty Name

(verse 2)
Through the storm and raging sea
I will never be alone
When my hope seems out of sight
I know You will shine Your Light

(chorus)
Alleluia
Alleluia
Alleluia
Alleluia
To Christ the Lord

Spirit Fall
(Verse 1)
I feel You tugging at me
A voice that whispers inside of me
"Come away, come away with Me"

(Verse 2)
Stir the flames alive
Breathe life into these bones of mine
Rekindle hope, rekindle joy

(Pre Chorus)
Send Your mighty wind
Renew this life within

(Chorus)
Spirit of God fall down
Fall with Your fire and power from high
Ignite in me again
Our hearts live in Your name
Spirit of God fall down
Pour as Your rain revive us now
Restore our lives and quench these thirsty souls
Live in us now (Live in us now)

(Verse 3)
Hand of God divine
Touch my being, come and anoint
Your word brings life, Your word brings life

(Bridge)
Breathe on us, breathe on us
Breathe on us breath of God
With fire and power
Move in us today

Saturday, April 26, 2008

I LOVE THIS

4/26/2008 11:48:00 pm

To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong.

This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times.

This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood.

This is homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention.

This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and f*** up the guys in their lives without saying a word.

This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds."

This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced.

This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt.

This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with.

This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone.

This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup.

This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you.

I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had.

This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep.

This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear.

This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted.

This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand.

Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mind games that girls love to keep them hanging.

Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth?

And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find?

Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me."

You never do. Why?

Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express.

Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

Sometimes the nice girl gets sick of waiting.

:) TODAY IS HAPPY DAY

4/26/2008 12:16:00 am

first, happy birthday bjorn.
=)
anw i love fridays.
i have been happy recently
or at least i think i have :)
I DONT CARE I WANT TO SMILE OKAY.
i dont give adamn.
I SMILE I SMILE I SMILE.
anw i am very fed up with a lump of lard.
HAHA.
only calvin and clarence knows :D
HEH HEH.

i suddenly have no mood to blog. argh sian.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

bei ni ai guo wo zhen de kuai le

4/23/2008 09:28:00 pm

happy birthday qiaoyi!
anw abt 1/5 of 1T25 babes has birthday that falls on april! :D
XUETING [me -.-] 09apr
hannah 10apr
shiuan 17apr
mel 18apr
qiaoyi 23!
:D
i dunno man. i am half pissed and half not.
but sth i know.
NETBALL TRAINING WAS LIKE MAD.
damn tired :(
SHAGGED.

sometimes i thk i should STOP what i am doing.
ITS NOT FAIR TO _________
if sth doesn't belong to me.
it doesn't.
i should be happy.
whether i end up with chicken or not
i should and must be happy :)
its not easy but i aint giving up.
i know there IS bio test tml.
BUT I FREAKING WUN STUDY FOR IT.
declare war?
dont give a damnnnnnn.
I WANT TO BE IN COUNCIL. NOT NETBALL.
but very shit though.
mr leong talked some crap to me then now i am like damn scared.
LIKE SERIOUS LAHHHHHH! :(
he say until like i am not inside lidat.
AHHHHHHHH!
very very very scared :(
what iffff.
argh. dunwan to think about it.
anw april rlly got alot of bdaes.
15april was yating's!
then sat is bjorn
next weds is huimin :)

SHENG RI KUAI LE.
i am tired i want to sleep.
i try to focus on other stuffs.
i try okay.
not sure if i can.
BUT I TRY :D

cuo le na me duo
xian le na me shen.
can i go back to myself?

Saturday, April 19, 2008

deprived :(

4/19/2008 12:10:00 am

I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen
Who almost went on to be miss texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes

I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished u would've loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go thinking about all the things I could've done
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we've had our problems I can't remember one

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all open and I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

ARGH
fri is bad.
i see the past creeping back.
the scenes are reacting themselves again.
the scenes and lines are all the same. only that the characters are changing.
why?
i am trying hard.
weiwen say i sound emo. but then again i am trying to be happy right?
act happy act normal?
pretend everything is fine man.
anw today is rather bad.

anw i not gna exactly blog everything.

JUST VERY UPSET TODAY LA.
anw god bless ________.
i went to tan tock seng today though. everything is so shit.
argh.

xueting wants to sleep :)

You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
And I almost had you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Sunday, April 13, 2008

F_CK ME

4/13/2008 11:00:00 pm

i feel like a bitch a slut
i feel selfish.
cause i dont show.
my true emotions.
i am happy for twin abt she and OPEN DOOR
but sometimes it is so painful to read the smses/ see the way they smile at each other
and then inside of me all the emptyness creeps in
and then everything just seems so screwed.
today is forget mr chicken day 4 le :(
but i am still a loser
actually he said a whole load of crap to me.
i dont know what the hell he means la.
he said he prefers r/s that starts w friends.
meaning what?
ask me dont try so hard?
OR ASK ME TO GO AWAY?
just now we saw his ex sch mates.
WHICH HAPPENS TO BE MY NEIGHBOUR
he said we are SCHOOLMATES.
not even friends.
good la good man.
WHY ALL THE MR TAN(S) IN THE WORLD LIDAT DE.
like damn f_ck
and i heard sth abt him and SONIA MAO.
maybe thats why he join fencing?
LIKE FTW.
now hen sad.
MUST DO WORK.
DN BU HUI SAD LE.
tml still must go early do posters stuff.
focus on council and htc and netball and studies.
guys throw one side :)
xueting ke yi de.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

SHENG RI KUAI LE TO ME

4/09/2008 08:50:00 pm

:D
super super duper happy.
love all the bdae msges :D

i am suppose to be happy today :D
SUPPOSE.
and to people who know abt my love life. which actually no life
BUT
at least today i got an answer.
i am his GOOD FRIEND.
and i dont see anything abt giving him time
it is not going to work out anyway
take for example osman.
give give give time
after two days we are not talking anymore.
even saying hi seems so hard :(
and for mr CHICKEN (like what my class always calls him)
he flirts with anything in a skirt (sadly)
i rlly liked hsi present
it was like the best gift :D
MY NIKE SHOEBAG
with all my candies inside
now have
8 timeout chocolate bars
33 PLUS sweets. grape flavour
8 gummy worms
1 skittles
1 kinder bueno
1 green apple flavoured HICHEW
1 strawberry flavoured nata de coco juice
and thats is like what is leftover AFTER i distributed like half man!
ITS LIEK FREAKING ALOT OKAY!
they(michael chicken wilson?) think i am too skinnyyyy.

haha
1T25 bought me one big cake and a card :)

hannah bought me a book and erasers(cute)
and wrote me a tear-inducing note

clarence bought me something too. this crystal bear
!
and i was openign it after netball
then it was like a bigger version of ringbox
then i haven open they saw the box started screaming RING
likeo mg. of course not.
clarence belongs to chang yuan :(

yishi gave me this shirt
EXPLICIT WRITINGS
and a necklace :D
cg gave me a top and a neckalce too
okay seriously the shirt is freak small.
BUT STILL.

joshua daddy gave me a FAITH bookmark.
holy daddy man holy.

PRIS MUMMY made me handphone chain and earrings.
OMG FREAK NICE LA.

anyway tml marks 2 sad thing
1. chemistry TEST - CA.
2. he is no longer my eye candy
i cant smile when he walks pass my class
i cant be affected during lessons when the word "chicken" is mentioned
i cant emo in chem spa when he din tell me anything special
i cant stay at j8 and wake for him to finish gym
i cant be sad when he din call/sms when it striked 12 on my bdae
i must be strong and pretend he is like what he said MY GOOD FRIEND

feel so freaking made use of.
those times we shared. GOOD FRIEND.
its like everything is so screwed up :(
WHY

celebrating birthday with netball sad enough
but today saw many people made me very happy

all the councillors i know
I SO DAMN WANT TO BE LIKE THEM :D
and today mr lo got me killed.
he went to tell mr tan kai ping abt me in sc
then TKP say i nvr iron my uniform for the sc interview
HELLO WE ARE IN THE CAMP!
like damn shit okay! :(
BULLY SMALL KIDS LIDAT?
okay maybe kids but not SMALL.
i am freak fat
PE SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS.
argh! running 2.4km sucks man.
LIKE TOTALLY LAH

and i m CRYING.
listening to 祝我生日快乐(周杰伦无与伦比演唱会对唱版)
hais

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁

一个人坐在空的包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
难
上千个切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐我对自己说
蜡烛点了寂寞亮了
生日快乐泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你带一点恨
还要时间才能平衡
热恋伤痕画面重生
祝我生日快乐

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

I LOVE BIRTHDAYS :D

4/08/2008 11:26:00 pm

jaselin wished me HB!
so did MX and then JEFF :)
thanks people.
as it is nearing 12.
i am DAMN SCARED
what if he nvr call :(
ARGH
stupid stupid! how can i let him manipulate me like that! :(
AHHHHHHH
i have been waiting all my life
to cross this line
to the only thing that is true :)
so i will not hide
its tiem to try
anything to be with you
all my life i have waited
this is true

anywhere i go, i will be on my way to you!

on mon celebrated with CARRIE.
she treated me to crystal jade :D
and bought me a small cake
and a top.
which i thought of how to wear it
just that rlly need to JIAN FEI LIKE DAMN
and bloody PE sucks.
tml 2.4km.
argh. F

and tues ate dinner with qing shiuan twin! :D
met jarryl after that.
jarryl whacked me! :(
FOR SCOLDING F!
ahhhhhhhhhhhh =(
stupid boy i shall cut ur hair! :P
thanks qing for the presents :D
SWEET YAH.
:)
tml shall enjoy myself in sch.
IF ANYTHING IS GG TO HPN =p

Sunday, April 06, 2008

4/06/2008 08:31:00 pm

yay happy :)
carrie nt my cgl le, but still care for me.
hai, wo yi zhi xi wang change cgl le
change nt neccessary = happy?
she wna meet me give me bday present
hais
i want to celebrate my bdae w many people!

with SHIUAN ELMER TWIN!
with "MUMMY AND DADDY"
with PARENTS
with HUANQING
with exE402
with HIM
with KWANNIE! lets go gay!
with THE TYS!
with YATING (:
with GERALDINE. [without osman]

ARGH >_<

why do you always have to come into my life and disrupt everything

"I thought you sleep le cause you never reply my msg. Haha. Anyway, you should be sleeping le. I am sure you got a lot of things to plan and more stuff to do. You need rest! Let all your stess be slept away. I believe you can make it one. No worries! When you make it, i CONFIRM vote for you! So make sure you get some rest k? If you got anything you wanna talk about just sms me. I going to bed le. Good LUCK! :) Sleep tight! Nights!"

to that idiot who sent me that, i L.I.K.E you =D

caoge song! DAMN FREAK NICE

4/06/2008 06:32:00 pm

when the tear starts to fall
you feel no hope at all
dont you ever think of giving in

when the rain starts to fall
everything seems so calm
don't you ever frown
cuz i'll be around

and late at night
i'll close my eyes
and pray that one day you will find
the strength inside to show you how to break through this time

whenever you need someone i'll be there
and everything will be okay
cuz we can pray that one day we'll find the love
that will lift us up to the sky

whenever you need someone i'll be there
and everything will be just fine
us hand in hand
we will make it through i'm sure
this i promise you till the very end of time

through the good times and bad
forever we'll always stand
one another to keep our chins up high
and u dont have to be scared
just as long as im there

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

lalalala

4/02/2008 04:03:00 pm

SUPPER HAPPY TODAY. DUN ASK ME WHY.
nope. should be super happy on MON.
dun ask em why either :D

The (OWN)er

09 Apr 1991
madly_in_love_4eva@hotmail.com
pls do not laugh at my email :(

回到过去

January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 September 2012

mankind

CHONG BFF BESTIE ESJSB GWEN MUMMY KEN SHIHUI TERESA TIAK XIAOHONG

hehe haha hoho

Facebook(: Sudoku